You got to ask yourself one question, “am I feeling lucky today?” Well do you, punk?

Random is my friend. We have known each other for almost six years now. Like me, he is a true mutant. We have had our differences from time to time. He would not be regarded as always being good. Like everyone, he has his flaws and demons. I regard him as being a good man. I have never known him to not do what he has said he would do or to do what he has said he would not. He has also been one of the most generous and unselfish people I have known. This latest adventure I am on would have been incredibly more difficult, if not impossible with out his presence and support. Words can not do justice to the gratitude I have towards him and his friendship.


Monday/Tuesday, December 4/5, 2006

Random and I spent the night at one of his female friends who had agreed to carry us to the airport. Our flight was scheduled to leave RDU at 7:00 so it was decided that we would all be up by 4:30, so as to be able to leave by 5:00 and get to the airport by 5:45, in order to have plenty of time for the check ins and airport security.

Random’s friend had two black labs who were hyper, for the most part friendly and not very bright. Not being familiar with me, they had barked and carried on when we had walked into the house and quickly were reassured by their owner, Random and me that I was a friend. However, when I left the room momentarily to use the bathroom and came back, they had apparently forgotten who I was and set about barking again.

Most of the time I can set my own internal alarm and be able to rely on waking up within a 5 minute window on either side. Tuesday morning was no exception, though as it turned out I needn’t have bothered. Random and his friend occupied the master bed room while I was in a second bedroom adjacent. I woke up and checked the time on my cell phone. It displayed 4:25. At 4:30 I heard the muffled sound of their wake up alarm. I lay on the bed for a few minutes, confident that as soon as I stepped out of the room to go take my shower the two black labs would set off barking again. As I laid there I began to hear a low sound that started rising and falling. At first I thought perhaps it was the dogs. I listened more carefully. Good grief, I was hearing the low pitched moaning of Random’s friend obviously being erotically stimulated.

I got up and grabbed my kit and headed for the bathroom. On cue the dogs began setting off their own racket which stopped soon after I had closed the door on the bathroom. As I examined my face in the mirror I heard the silence left behind by the dogs broken by Random’s muffled voice saying something followed soon after by a return to the low pitched moaning of his friend. My reflection shook its head at me and said, "Nice."

It was five minutes to six as Random was breaking any number of traffic laws at about 80 miles per hour still miles away from the airport. I saw him grinning at me madly in the rear view mirror.
"Y’know, I told Ruth that we didn’t have time this morning and she should skip her singing practice."
" I’m reasonably sure she wasn’t hitting those high notes by herself.", I replied
Still grinning like a maniac Random said, "Whatever do you mean?"
"Just shut the fuck up and drive."

The flight to Chicago was uneventful and I tried to sleep. After we landed we discovered that we weren’t actually on the same flight to Tokyo. Though we left O’Hare within minutes of each other and would in fact be landing I at the Norita Tokyo airport within minutes of each other, Random was on Japan Airlines and I was on American for the 12 plus hour flight.

I don’t deny that the fact that my ex wife may still work for American does make me a little leery of flying with them. Still, I can’t recall necessarily having a bad experience using the airline. While there wasn’t anything blatant, the general sour attitude of the flight crew, coupled with stereotypically "lousy airline food" and an onboard entertainment selection of D movies and equally poor television made my flight seem even longer.

My flight arrived at Norita airport about 45 minutes late due to being stuck on the ground while the luggage of three no-shows was removed from the plane. With the help of some airport employees whose struggling English was far better than my Japanese will ever be, I managed to navigate through the two terminals and three shuttle rides to meet up with Random for some over priced sushi and rice before boarding the final leg for Thailand.

We were on a Japan Airways flight and the difference in service from my American experience was profound. The flight attendants on the Japanese carrier were not only bright, and pleasant, they were indefatigable in their efforts to serve the passengers. In addition to superior cuisine, not to mention the presence of honest to god steel utensils, they offered free mini bottles of wine with meals. I moderately availed myself of two. In between the meals the flight crew was circulating through the cabin refreshing drinks and offering some freshly brewed green tea (not generic tea bags). We were also treated to a variety of entertainment including Japanese films with English subtitles, recently released American films and the unedited/uncensored American classic "Dirty Harry".

We arrived in Bangkok at 2318 local time on Tuesday December 5. For most of the people this work of true to life fiction is directed at, that was about 10:18 am and 11:18 am on Tuesday December 5, Central and Eastern time, respectively. That International Dateline is a time warping thing.

We navigated the maze through the massive terminals and waded through customs. Only slightly disappointedly exchanged dollars (the US dollar has dropped from 40 bpaht down to 35 with rumors of further decline since the mid term US elections.) I haven’t quite puzzled through the connection between disempowering an administration of criminal lunatics and warmongering political whores and a noticeable drop in the value of a dollar, though I do find it troubling.

Once past customs and the luggage merry-go-round we took on the expected taxi vendor onslaught upon hitting the lobby. We settled upon one well dressed taxi seller who appeared to be about 16. Random haggled with him and in the end we were confident we were being screwed on the 2000 baht taxi ride to Pattaya. With 30 hours worth of jet lag and more than an hour’s ride ahead of us through the kind of heat that conjures up thoughts of Africa. We really didn’t find ourselves giving a shit.

Being the more sociable appearing of the two of us, Random quickly struck up a conversation with the middle aged driver our young taxi pimp had set us up with. The driver was a likable fellow whose self taught English put our combined efforts at Thai to shame. He and Random discussed what potential lodging might be available at 2:00 am in Pattaya, weighing reduced expense against exposure to some of Pattaya’s less than respectable elements.

I watched the darkness blur by as they went on to discuss how best to avoid mistakenly picking up a member of Thailand’s "third sex" while looking for female companionship amidst the 5000 plus bars, go-go lounges and discos. Many of the transgender women, called katoey or simply "lady boy" by Thai and farang(foreigner) are quite feminine, beautiful and frequently not obvious.

Halfway through our drive to Pattaya Random borrows the driver’s cell phone and calls up a female friend in Jomtien and her input is added to the taxi driver’s and Random’s experience.

We settle on a newer hotel in Jontiem. It’s about 2:00 by the time we check in. Whave separate accommodations. I shower off over 10,000 miles of sweat and airline funk before collapsing on the bed.

Wednesday

We get up around 7 and go down to a nice breakfast buffet. We scout out the area for apartments for the month. Due to it being high tourist time in Pattaya, the pickings are slim. We finally settle on a place in Jontiem on the edge of Pattaya.

*** to be continued.... ******