Back again at the Screed, Rant and Manure Stand

This is sort of a mutant pot-luck, I’m just showing up with what I happened to find in the cupboards and anything in the fridge that didn’t have mold (I couldn’t scrape off) I’m serving up to you. Dig in, eat hearty.


I found this note tucked into a corner of my shaving mirror. “I have no plan. I make minute-by-minute my divine plan.” I’m not sure if it would be more worry-some to anyone whether or not I admit to remembering writing it or not.

Anyway, I notice that I have been woefully neglectful here at the Old Screed, Rant and Manure Stand. Some may suspect I’ve already closed it down.

Well, not quite…that is to say I’m taking my time as it comes to me. This has always been intended as a hobby, and my profits or lack there of from ads here suggest, it will remain a hobby. Besides, when the site hit counters roll past 1000, people start calling for morning radio interviews, grocery store openings and county fair jam judging slots. I want to try and head that off before it starts.

Also, at the end of March, I’m moving out of my current room for a quieter, cozier place down the road a bit. I’m giving up the in-room cable (TV tends to rot the mind anyhow) and the in room internet access. As I haven’t been using it that much anyway, I won’t miss having it in my room. There are plenty of internet cafes around and I will be checking in and posting here from time to time.



Before the rash of rumors starts (I paid those bastards to wait until after I post this but if they are anything it’s unreliable!)….

Here is an idea to shrink your rap with concerning current and ongoing activities that may or may not be taking your favorite fearless fortunate fool away from the heavy burdens of full time internet blogger. As always, it is recommended that you remember the fortunate fool likes his fictions fast, hot and frequent, so have a bucket of salt ready before you read on. Then again, this might be one of the few fictions based on fact. You never know.


Going back about a month ago, I was in a bar with a friend and found myself in a conversation with one of the girls. This self described reluctant (though not apologetic) bar girl became smitten with me (who wouldn’t be?). I politely explained to her that while I respect her choice, I am not in the habit (or the income) of financing my romances quite the way she may be used to. She nodded her head, all smiles and I thought everything was fine.

A few nights later, about 230 AM my phone rings. It’s the girl. Turns out my friend thought he was doing me a favor by giving her my number. She wants to know what I’m doing and do I mind if she comes over? I tactfully reminded her that while I thought she was charming, I was not looking to “sponsor” her. She said, “I kaojai [understand], just wan see you, I no work now.”

Maybe I was half asleep, maybe it was a full moon, I don’t know. You probably saw this coming before I did. I said ok. Did the possibility of foul play, cross my mind? Naturally. But hell, I was curious. Besides, despite the low light and cigarette smoke. I thought she looked cute.

After some confusing directions from me, we hung up. I quickly secured my computer, just in case. I ran some water on my hair, brushed my teeth and threw on a pair of shorts, t-shirt and sandals and was waiting in some dark shadows adjacent to my building 10 minutes before she arrived by motorcycle taxi.

I waited in the shadow for a few moments. She appeared quite alone and no signs of nearby awaiting thuggery afoot. She wore heels, a mini skirt, and bikini top. She had a large purse over her left shoulder and carried a plastic grocery bag of something from her right hand. As she walked past me toward the building entrance, I stepped out into the light, “sawadii krup”, I said smiling at her.

If she was surprised she hid it well. “sawadii ka” she said smiling back as she walked up and hugged me. Stepping back, she gestured with the grocery bag in her right hand, “you hungry?”

“Sure” I said, not wanting to offend her kindness. As we walked up the stairs, I had a moment and faltered. She looked concerned and asked me was I OK? I waved it off saying I was still half asleep. She offered me her hand. It was strong and a bit on the rough side. I remembered someone telling me that quite a few of the girls had grown up working hard on the farms in the provinces before coming in to make money at the bars.

We got to my room where we proceeded to dine on pork shish kabobs and fish ball soup (actually not as bad as the American English might lead you to believe).
In my dreadful Thai and her incredible English, we sailed through the meal, chatting merrily away.

She told me she liked me and in fact was glad that I did not want to be just another customer (We covered quite a bit of ground I had not reckoned on when researching and writing the P-word articles. I won’t go into at this time, her utter disdain when I tried to talk about it being “her choice”. She didn’t get angry, though in effect she did hand me my ass as it were.)

We talked for awhile until we were both yawning. She asked if she could stay and sleep. She went on to explain that as long as she was being a bar girl she didn’t want a boyfriend who would not understand and get jealous. She wanted just a man who was a friend who wasn’t going to be looking to have romantic feelings for her or who really wanted to have sex with her. She just wanted a friend to sleep with occasionally in an entirely platonic way, no sex. I decided, well, I've done it almost every other conceivable way, why not?

She comes by once or twice times a week, all ways brings food and drink. She talks to me or we watch TV for a while before we go to bed and just sleep. I’ve had some different and even strange relationships in my life. This one is unique. I actually enjoy it more than I would’ve thought. I mean, I do find her attractive, but we’ve maintained a completely platonic relationship.

Sure we sleep in the same bed (underwear on both, thank you), and we have ended up snuggled, but nothing sexual. When I turn out the lights she gives me a Thai “sniff kiss” on the cheek and we usually sleep until noon. I get up, make some sort of brunch. We eat. Take separate showers. Usually by about 4 she leaves to go get ready for her job at the bar. I usually won’t see her again for a few nights. She never asks me for anything, and has in fact offered to give me money.

Completely bizarre, but I must say, dealing with out the sex and romance drama and just enjoying sleeping beside a friend (with out the extra benefits) has actually been quite sweet.

I suppose it will eventually have to end, either if I find a person I want to date over here or she decides she wants a boyfriend and is ready to give up the bar job. Until then I will enjoy this strange friendship.


While you decide how much of that last bit to take at face value, here’s a swipe at entertainment for you.

The following movies, I hesitate to recommend. If you want to watch something that may amuse, disturb, possibly frighten or perhaps cause you to question the validity of what you think is real, here are a few recent additions to my favorites. All available through my friends at Netflix. (Shameless plug)




Mike Blueberry (Belgium 2004)
Aka
Renegade (USA)

Setup: Western meets Carlos Castaneda

Cast: Vincent Cassel, Juliette Lewis Michael Madsen Eddie Izzard Colm Meaney Djimon Hounsou (also see Blood Diamond)

Revolver (UK 2005) Guy Ricci film (ref. Lock Stock & 2 smoking barrels, Snatch, etc)

Setup: If you like Guy Ricci’s other stuff, this one you will either love or hate it. A bit more complex than the others Ricci has done; wheels within wheels. I liked it. Always like Stratham, anyway, sort of the berserker’s bloke of action heroes.

Cast: Jason Stratham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore, Andre Benjamin


Rainbow Bridge -more light hearted and an interesting “documentary” of how some in America lived circa 1970 featuring Jimmy Hendrix. The movie is about what you might expect and if you like Hendrix anyway the movie features Hendrix’s last concert in the U.S.

Of course, if you can't find anything else to watch, there’s always The Matrix, (I know one guy who has seen it close to 50 times! What a nut! There is no spoon.)

OK for now boys and girls, see ya soon.